Coffee? No, Put The Blame On

I want to blame something for my current state of inability to gain any momentum with my writing.

Or what I perceive to be an inability at the moment.

A part of me is also avoiding something… not sure what exactly… I feel if I “look at it” I will see that I’m truly afraid of… something, but what? So I just give it the ol’ side eye, peripheral glance. To try and catch a glimpse of it.

Along with chasing success, whatever that means, I also have been doing a deep dive on my personal mental state; mental fortitude; and emotional awareness.

I have an “emotion” going on inside me that I can’t quite put a finger on.

When I read others writing on the subject, I either get lost in the technical jargon, or I lose interest because they go too far off topic for me.

My goal as an “everyman writer” is to capture that space where I get lost. Capture it, and describe it well enough… for you to see it, in yourself, and then maybe implement a tactic that I offer, so then, you can go and try your own stuff too.

I use this particular website to express more of my spiritual journey, it sets my foundation, captures my growth, and allows me to think through issues God brings up.

This week I found myself playing the blame game.

I wanted to lay the blame of my current malaise at the devils feet.

BUT… the thing with blame… when you are trying to give it away… you can’t.

Think about the last time you TRIED to blame someone else for a shortfall in your life.

All the energy is on you. You have to keep giving it away…if you can. To get it to stick.

Which it never does.

The reason it doesn’t work is… on the other side of the blame coin is RESPONSIBILITY.

You keep trying to give it away, but everybody knows it’s yours.

You may have read the last few articles of mine, and have seen that 2021 is applying a great deal of pressure on my family, this last week it has continued.

Here is where my un-defined emotion has reared it’s ugly head.

I felt the pressure and was starting to whine. Then it dawned on me… NONE of the things that I’ve been feeling bad about have DIRECTLY touched me… emotionally… YES… mentally… YES… physically… NO.

Here is the thought process I went through, and it’s conclusion, for this particular spiritual issue I’ve been feeling emotional about.

On my VICTORY day in January I had the feeling of “being dangerous” on a spiritual level.

But… my depression dips happen when I feel like I can’t have a one-on-one fight with the devil… mono-e-mono to just get it over with. It frustrates me. I think I can take him.

But… what IF what I’m feeling is the act of God just moving his hand over a bit, exposing me just a tad to the “powers and principalities of the air” being able to feel the weight of sin and evil? Like when a cloud moves from in front of the hot sun, on a summers day. The cloud was providing some cool shade for you. But as the gentle breeze slowly moves the cloud, you start to feel the heat of the sun again, and you start to sweat.

I can feel the heat, but I’ve been un-touched so far.

Even as far back as high school. Forget the devil, I haven’t been in a physical altercation since I was 16 years old.

When I faced my boxing coach he handed me my butt, pretty handily.

And it revealed a truth to me… I’m not a tough guy.

When God’s hand is over me I feel great; peaceful; confident; love; no fear; no arrogance, and faithful.

Another truth… it is ridiculous of me to think that I could fight the devil… Gods first angel.

But when you learn about the authority of the blood of Christ things change.

I don’t see any stories in the bible about anyone other than Christ facing the devil at all, alone, or otherwise. They chased out unclean spirits, demons, but even the archangel Michael didn’t go toe to toe with him. He said, “The Lord rebuke you.”

So I believe it is God moving his hand away, just a bit.

BECAUSE… I haven’t been attacked; everything is happening around me; like what happens to inattentive Wildebeest, that stray from the herd, or are sick… the lions get them.

The bible does compare the devil to a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

Now… back to the blood of Christ.

Reading an article on the Old Testament Passover it described the devil as “being afraid of blood” because no powers of the destroyer, or hell itself, could PRY any door open that was covered with the blood of the lamb.

As I assess the damage going on the only thought I have is that “the sins of the [ABSENT] fathers are being visited upon the sons,”

I know there is an age where you become responsible for your own choices and decisions.

The thing I see is “the groundwork was laid long ago,” for these poor decisions and choices to be made now.

And overall, no one is turning to God.

You can say you are… but it’s by our actions that we give ourselves away.

Motions, like a skunk waddling through a hay field; geese flying in a v; or a dog wagging his tail… are our actions that deny Christ and confirm the type of relationship that we have with Him.

Understanding that I’m covered with the blood of Christ; same as those doors of the Passover; and my body is a temple; sealed tight with the Holy Spirit… and no gate or power of hell shall prevail against it… it can’t.

I know any evil on my part comes from within myself… an inside job… because my flesh IS at WAR with The Spirit.

So all of this EXTERNAL stuff that is happening OUT THERE on the edge of the herd, isn’t me; isn’t caused by me; and I don’t have to let it AFFECT me beyond “mourning with those who mourn,” “crying with those who cry,” and trying to be an example of someone who, “trusts in the Lord with all my heart.”

What’s the conclusion?

I was given the word – Perseverance.

Defined as “a patient enduring.” Especially as God enables the believer to “remain under” the challenges He allots in life. I don’t believe it’s meant as “suffering.”

Being under spiritual pressure is exactly like placing a muscle under pressure through lifting weights.

What if, then, the challenge, the pressure, is actually a protection?

And the “pressure” is His restraining hand?

Imagine it like this.

Picture my year old granddaughter. Just learned how to walk in the last month.

When she falls and cries, I scoop her up and hold her tight… letting her know it will be ok… in a little while.

And she knows because… not of your words BUT of your action of closeness that she can feel. Holding her under pressure; using a hug

Now…still imagining my granddaughter… how far away do you think I would be when she is happy; running around; and playing with her toys?

I sit back and marvel at what a miracle she is… from a distance… watching to see what she’ll do next.

But close enough to keep her safe.

That is, I believe, now… how God does it. BECAUSE… his ways, are not our ways.

Thayer’s Greek Concordance, using James 5:11, defines PERSEVERANCE as “the characteristic of a man who is unswerved from his deliberate purpose and his loyalty to faith and piety by even the greatest trials and sufferings.”

We need to understand, and recognize, how we FEEL, in order to “name” the emotion we are having, so that we can describe the experience specifically, thereby being able to SEE what God is “really” doing in our lives.

Understanding “perseverance” is the “time under tension” needed, to strengthen our faith.