We use the word as “oh, I’m coping”, more as a resignation than a ‘coming to blows with’ our issues.

What are the steps to processing a feeling, anxiety issue, depression, bad habit, lifestyle change or other ‘internal conflict’? 

If the original word had the sense of ‘engaging in combat’ and the current usage means to ‘handle successfully’ or ‘deal with’ which again implies that you are engaged with the issue to the extent that you are being successful, then I have two questions…

1. Why do so many people ‘cope’ by using negative means such as… avoidance, alcohol or drugs?
2. Why do our internal issues cause such pain that we refuse to engage them?

I’m not a doctor. I’m just a regular guy trying to learn how to engage my inner self, who by the way I’m learning isn’t in my corner, he is always looking to sabotage the positive progress that I make in life. Even if it’s just to ruin a perfectly good day by tossing out random negative thoughts.

So what is the process?

Here’s how I’ve experienced it.

You need to be alert to the fact that something is wrong. That is where the pain comes in. Pain is a funny thing. Mostly… we avoid it at all costs. Pain though, shows us that something is ‘WRONG’!

If you were walking down the proverbial road… and had the proverbial pebble… stuck in the heel of your proverbial shoe; you would say, “Oww that’s painful.” You would then… stop, take off your shoe, find the pebble, discard the pebble, put your shoe back on and continue on with your proverbial journey.

Look at all the steps (pun intended) you have to take to alleviate the problem.

Now toss in the fact that we are talking about a personal internal issue, bad habits and negative lifestyles, and not a pebble… and you can probably guess and have probably experienced how hard it is to implement a really true change to your mindset concerning your issue, habit or lifestyle.

I think that’s why we avoid it, it’s just too much work. The continuing baggage comes from ‘NOT’ dealing with past and present issues.

Let’s break it down…

• Be Aware of the pain/issue – Oww that’s painful, acknowledge the fact that you are in pain.
• Stop – I like this one, it keeps coming up, Stop and look at the problem, make an assessment.
• Take action, even a small one – take off your shoe.
• Engage the pebble – identify the specific issue, habit or lifestyle change you want to make.
• Take action – another small one, deal with the pebble, if it’s negative thinking give yourself a positive replacement thought, interrupt the negative pattern.
• Take action – another small one, like putting your shoe back on, acknowledge your ‘win’, acknowledge you had the awareness to engage the issue on your terms.
• Finally – there is no finally – the positive engagement activities you have discovered, positive information you discovered (like this article – hopefully) are now maintenance tools you can utilize as you engage and come to blows with your next issue, habit or lifestyle change that comes up.

Coping with life doesn’t have to feel like ‘engaging in battle’ all the time it’s just that we don’t take the time to learn how to utilize the tools available to us to induce a positive change.

If your reading this you are on your way. Look for a person you can trust to talk to; start a journal; learn a breathing technique(no, seriously); and use the tools whether that tool is a battle ax, coup stick or even a pencil to your advantage.

And that inner voice… we give him to much credit and control when in reality we can learn to recognize it for what it truly is… an unwanted backseat driver who doesn’t care, he just randomly throws out bad directions, questions every decision we make, and makes us doubt our commitment to where we really want to go and the right turns it takes to get there.