Did You Have Your Review Yet?

Employee Review Time… Tax Time… A look back in time so we can move forward.

How are you doing on those New Year Resolutions? We’re a couple weeks in, how ya doing? I’m cutting out soda. I’m a week in and today was rough… we made er’ through though.

By the end of the month we’ll all have our 1099 or W2’s and we’ll have to validate our highway robbery, I mean… year end taxes.

And most of us will go through our employee review. Reviewing last year, and how many times you called in, and how you did executing your daily job duties.

It validates our existence within our individual companies… whether we own the company, or just sweep the place out.

We all look for validation at different points of our life, from different places, from different people in our lives.

We actually need it. But it can get a bad rap. Especially with adults who haven’t received any, haven’t learned how to process it when they do receive some, and who haven’t learned how to give it appropriately.

There are a lot of different definitions for “validation” but mine is simple.

Here is my definition… “Validation” means, you are not invisible. I see you. Yes, you.

Do you “see” others?

Do you need, crave, or chase approval, validation, praise?

We need some. But it has to come for the right reason, like a good work review, and from the right people.

People recommend taking a step back and looking at the big picture… that’s nice, but… can you take a step back, from yourself? And review yourself? Do you approve of yourself? Do you validate yourself? Do you assess the feedback that life is offering you? Do you know how?

“Say Goodbye to the Need for Approval!

This all begins with building the strength to go with what feels right for you. When you start doing this, you’ll no longer feel the urge to seek validation from other people. Start to become more self-aware, and pay attention to what behaviors make you feel good about yourself, regardless of how other people react. Reflect on and pay attention to choices you’ve made, things you like about yourself, or times you’ve stayed true to yourself.”

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/your-emotional-meter/201807/how-let-go-the-need-approval

My work review went well. They have been good for almost 35 years. Working for others is simple.

Working on myself has been complicated.

It’s weird, I was starved of any validation at an early age, and as an adult I loathed it when someone would try to validate me. Whether that was a boss, a parent of a little league player, or even a friend… I just didn’t believe I deserved any of it.

Psychology Today has an article that defines “validation” as such…

“Validation is the recognition and acceptance of another person’s thoughts, feelings, sensations, and behaviors as understandable. Self-validation is the recognition and acceptance of your own thoughts, feelings, sensations and behaviors as understandable.” https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/pieces-mind/201204/understanding-validation-way-communicate-acceptance

Looking up the history of the word though, I found something I thought was interesting…

Validation is from Validate

Validate “1570s, “having force in law, legally binding,” from French valide (16c.), from Latin validus “strong, effective, powerful, active,” from valere “be strong” (from PIE root *wal- “to be strong”). The meaning “sufficiently supported by facts or authority, well-grounded” is first recorded 1640s.”

https://www.etymonline.com/word/validate?ref=etymonline_crossreference

Now look at that? “Strong; powerful; active; effective”

When we validate another person, say like a kid, or a secretary, or your elderly neighbor, or the guys and gals on your work crew, when you validate them you are infusing them with the ability to be “Strong; powerful; active; effective”.

When was the last time you felt those things in your own life because someone else stepped up and gave you some validation? How did you respond if you did receive some? Good? Did you swell up with arrogant pride?

“As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another. … The crucible for silver and the furnace for gold, but man is tested by the praise he receives.” ~ Proverbs 27:21 NIV

Dr. Jonice Webb Ph.d teaches us how we can re-parent ourselves, learning how to better interact with the world…

“If you struggle with self-discipline more than most other people, it does not mean that you are weak-willed or less strong than others. It only means that you didn’t get to learn some important things in childhood. Never fear, you can learn them now.” https://drjonicewebb.com/three-amazing-ways-you-can-re-parent-yourself/

“You can learn them now…” I like how that that is a part of her messaging.

As adults we can learn, adapt, and apply new information into our lives.

Look at yourself in the mirror sometime today, right dead in the eye, and say, “I see you!”

Allow yourself to be “Strong; powerful; active; effective”

And before the months end… review your taxes; review your New Year resolutions; and re-evaluate your perspective on your belief surrounding Personal Validation.