Some People Hate Labels; Lapels; and Lollygaggers… which are you?

Me?

I like labels; I like lapels; and I know how to lollygag, on purpose. I call it “to mosey”.

Getting to know yourself, I’m finding, is hard work.

We really don’t know how to label our emotions when we start… so everything is just “anger”.

At first.

But as we grow, and read, and apply new knowledge… we find a particular label that fit’s, and instead of calling it anger we can now label it appropriately as “resentment”.

Today, I have to apply that label, again, to myself… it is the only label that fits this certain package I have rolling around in my mind.

“Resentment”

There is a part of my mental makeup that I have discovered that I “resent” about myself… which in turn, makes me angry with myself… but I haven’t been ready to face the truth about what that is.

I have been studying “energy” this year, and why it looks like that some people have boat loads of it, and others, like myself, seem to only have a 1 gallon gas can size container of it, here and there, throughout our days, weeks, months, and lives.

I’ve been following Dr. Jordan B. Peterson for a while, trying to glean some insights into how my brain works.

His latest video clip had him talking about, “using urgency as a motivator”.

His talk centered around the fact that when we feel an urgent need to do or accomplish a thing… our body and mind ramp up accordingly to meet the need.

He says that, “it is there all the time, we just don’t tap into it…”.

Now if I have to use a label today, for our conversation, the label then would be… “MOTIVATION”.

And how I don’t FEEL motivated most of the time. I just have things that need to get done.

But if I take a step back… and apply that MOTIVATION label to my whole life… I can honestly see, and say, I am barely meeting the required minimum that my current responsibilities require.

And if I take another step back, and look, I can now see I operate under the label of FIREFIGHTER… waiting for things to flare up… because eventually… they always do.

Now, peeling back another layer of falsehood, to expose my mental truth, I have to admit… I get a positive emotional surge when I… “Have to come to the rescue” of a neighbor; a friend; a stranded stranger; or a family member.

A good ole’ fashion rescue is way more exciting than cleaning out the dog kennel every Monday.

So this has all led me to ponder these three words… “Busy; Productive; Profitable” and thinking… “What am I being?”

Am I labeling? Lapelling? or Lollygagging, in it’s negative connotation?

I like labels. Remember those Mr. Yuck, green poison stickers?

And lollygagging… depending on the context… can be a positive or a negative.

What is lapelling, you ask?

What does a lapel do?

Makes you look good right?

What if everything I do is neither, productive, nor profitable, and it only makes me look busy?

With the things I do being like that sharp lapel, just making me look good.

I resent myself for that.

I feel lazy.

I feel I am not truly taking care of my responsibilities.

I feel like a drain, like a taker, not a giver.

If I was diagnosing an engine, I would be to the part of my brain that is “the receiver” and would start to diagnose, “Why doesn’t this thing receive correctly? The inputs are there. It is not reading them at all. Why is that?”

And that folks… is where I’ll leave you… wondering… like myself, what is the missing label of that component?