A philosophy of mine:
Being faithful requires that if you fail to do the thing you can always come back to it again and again, get back on the beam and move forward from there.
Being obedient is a one time only kinda thing, you are not being obedient if you drag your feet, cop an attitude about it or down right refuse the thing, BUT there is a one time chance to actually BE obedient… when is that? Right now. Today, as long as it is called Today! To respond as soon as you are asked.
God has asked me to bring this thing to light.
I have a confession to make.
I am an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse.
My past self destructive tendencies, addictive behaviors, binge drinking alcoholism, pornographic thoughts and my suicidal depression have a root in my personal defilement.
This is how I confirmed those memories I was having, it went like this…
me – “Hello”
my sister – “Hey, how are you?”
me – “Good, what are you up to sister?”
my sister – “Oh nothin’, you coming this weekend?”
me – “Yep, looks like it.”
my sister – “Oh, ok.”
me – “Hey can I ask you something?”
my sister – “Sure.”
me – “I have memories from when we were kids in town, in that first house we lived in, were we sexual abused? Did someone make us do stuff?”
my sister “I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I wanted to ask you…”
She breaks down and starts to cry and sob into the phone as I recall some of my memories to her.
She ends up confirming all of my memories that I thought I may have been making up. She was two years older so she remembered clearer than I did.
I was 6.
I guess God wanted me to talk to her about it because it opened up the flood gate for her. She told me she could remember who it was and where it happened. She felt horrible for me. She was so sad, I felt bad for her.
It prompted her to do a couple of things.
One, she called a family meeting and shared with our brothers and sisters what had happened. She also shared more about WHAT had happened. Now, I did not share everything with her that I had remembered but in our family discussion she relayed those few details that I left out, I really, really knew then that what had happened to me, happened for real.
Two, she was able to get some counseling. She has had a pretty rough time of it throughout her life and knowing what I know now about childhood sexual abuse I can see why.
For me…
to be continued.
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