Why do we think that it isn’t ok to mourn?
The bible uses the word mourn; and the word lament; and the word grieve. Those words have a lot of pain attached to them.
I truly appreciate the growth that the Lord has allowed me to go through.
The most noticeable to me has been growing, and maturing in my emotional intelligence.
What are my emotions?
Can I control them?
How do I navigate through them?
Learning how your body feels on a “micro” level allows you to learn the answers to all of the above questions.
With one teacher… pain.
2021 did not start off with a bang for me.
It was just a Monday morning, late for work, splitting headache, hangover from 2020.
As bad as the first six weeks were, there was even an extra couple of weeks of weird pain… spiritual and physical.
I had a lot of writing planned for 2021, I’ve been able to keep my schedule, and persevere, but the pain didn’t leave until I asked my pastor to pray over it specifically.
And even that was a learning experience.
I wonder… because the world is fallen; and everything is messed up; off kilter from what God intended… we don’t really understand the importance of pain… and how it can help us.
I’ve gone so far as to even stop taking aspirin; advil; ibuprofen and anything else that is designed to deaden our pains.
Since I quit drinking alcohol I haven’t even taken the magic elixir called NyQuil… it’s 10% alcohol.
The only thing I allow myself is a cough drop when my sinus’s flair up.
Why have I chosen to do that?
So I can tell what is really going on with me.
I had a spiritual pain manifest itself in my arms. It felt like being grabbed from behind by dragon talons, sharp, and clamp like.
I knew it was different because I’ve been physically training long enough now that it didn’t feel like standard muscle soreness from working out.
This year I was able to feel real sadness. I’ve cried in the past when losing a loved one, but I never felt sadness for THAT person… I felt MY sadness… my selfish sadness.
This year I truly mourned, more than once, and through that particular pain, I learned what real forgiveness is.
It goes against our very nature.
It’s no wonder it comes from God.
Then after my own troubles, people very close to me had some real trouble of their own.
When does it stop?
But while they were struggling, I was “doing better” and getting my writing done.
The bible says to, “mourn with those who mourn”… but everyday!?!
It was everyday there for a couple of weeks… everyday seemed to bring more bad news.
Between the time that I learned about true VICTORY to the time I spent with my Pastor praying specifically over me… I had a lot of pain.
I look at it totally different now.
If I’m having an anxiety attack… I know it’s a physical response to a mental uncertainty; if I’m having D.O.M.S, Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness… I know I over trained a little bit; if I have an elbow tendon issue… I know I work a twelve hour shift, and stuff just happens; if I have an aching in my heart caused by a loss of a loved one, or friend… I know that’s the Holy Spirit, grieving with me; and through all that I make my notes, learn how to deal with those issues, and marvel at the success I have in controlling the only thing that I can control in this world… me.
Not always, but mostly.
Making notes and being able to look back helps.
I say to myself, “THIS is just like THAT…”
I’ve learned that is called “associative learning” being able to connect the dots from two different experiences in order to shorten the learning curve.
Then… I have a WILLINGNESS to try different methods of APPLICATION to see what works for me.
I think writing is a universal “trick” but it’s hard work, and can be emotionally painful… and most people are unwilling to face the pain…
the pain of the past… and the present.
If we never learn, to learn through the pain, it leaves us with personal blind spots.
Check out this weeks The Definite Dad article discussing Chapter 3, The Backstory – where all our blind spots are hiding.